Avoid This Tour

This is why America can't have nice things

Y'know what? I think I'm actually gonna make this whole "don't go to this tour" thing an actual featured segment, like Shit Hardcore Kids Wish They Could Play and Fucked Up Album Cover of the Day. Making decisions on a whim is fun, it's how I do it every time.

So anywho, Carnifex and Oceano are going on tour this coming April and May, and if that wasn't enough to deter you from going, they're also bringing The Tony Danza Blah Blah No One Cares and Within the Ruins. Like with most of the other tours to avoid that we've announced, I actually like a couple of the bands, in this case Carnifex and Within the Ruins, but for the most part the cons far outweigh the pros and I personally will be avoiding it like the plague. But still, we've announced far shittier tours so I'll at least have the decency to put up the tour dates. Here you go fellas.

3/31 Hollywood, CA @ The Whisky
4/1 Tempe, AZ @ Underground
4/2 Albuquerque, NM @ Fusion Factory
4/3 Oklahoma City, OK @ The Conservatory
4/4 Kansas City, MO @ El Torreon
4/6 St Paul, MN @ Station 4
4/7 Milwaukee, WI @ Miramar Theatre
4/8 Chicago, IL @ Mojoe’s
4/9 Toledo, OH @ The Jamboree
4/10 Indianapolis, IN @ Emerson Theatre
4/11 Grand Rapids, MI @ MXTP
4/12 London, ON @ Call The Office
4/13 Toronto, ON @ Annex Wreckroom
4/14 Montreal, QC @ Underworld
4/15 Quebec City, QC @ L'Octobre
4/16 Worcester, MA @ New England Metal & Hardcore Fest
4/17 Springfield, VA @ Jaxx
4/18 Raleigh, NC @ The Brewery
4/19 Charleston, SC @ The Oasis
4/20 St Petersburg @ The State Theatre
4/21 Ft Lauderdale, FL @ Rocketown
4/23 Douglasville, GA @ The 7 Venue
4/27 Cleveland, OH @ Peabody's
4/28 Buffalo, NY @ Mohawk Place
4/29 East Rutherford, NJ @ Bamboozle
5/1 Louisville, KY @ Expo Five
5/2 St Louis, MO @ Fubar
5/3 Tulsa, OK @ Marquee Theatre
5/6 Fort Worth, TX @ TomCats West
5/7 San Antonio, TX @ White Rabbit
5/10 Salt Lake City, UT @ The Complex
5/11 Reno, NV @ The Alley

Obviously a tour like this is going to attract swarms of dancers, so if you're going I assume it's because you're either going to stand in the back the whole time or are just tough enough to take them all on at once. If so, power to ya. I personally tend to just not go to shows like this, because that way I just don't have to deal with them; that's my weapon of choice in the rebellion. But hey, I have an idea, maybe someone should go just so they can kick as many asses as they can and then email us the story at moshrebellion@yahoo.com. Think about it, it'd be a pretty entertaining article to put up. Just throwing that out there. Stay tuned and stay brutal.

-BK

Album Review: Oceano - Contagion

So, as you may know, Oceano's new album, Contagion, came out recently. I decided to listen to it when I got home, and I can now say that I am a changed man.  Oh, and that's not a good thing.  Right after I finished listening to the whole thing, start to finish, I turned off the computer, put a gun up to my head, and blew a fucking hole in my head.  Granted I survived, but my fucking god I wish I hadn't.  This album isn't just bad, or even terrible; it's a motherfucking abomination. Holy shit, if I could take every minute of the time spent listening to that album, I would do something much less torturous instead, like rolling around in hot coals or chopping off my dick or something. 

           

Oceano's biggest mistake in making this musical abortion is that they tried way too hard to make it sound like their last album, Depths.  And if they didn't ,well fuck, it sure as hell seemed that way.  To start with, every song sounds exactly the same, (chugging riff, growls, breakdown, chugging riff, another breakdown, repeat like five times).  Seriously, I can't even keep track of how many breakdowns there are, and they aren't even good!  The opening song basically sums up what the entire album sounds like, and here's the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMWpicP7Xag

Notice the complete lack of talent and musical ability.  I mean, it's pretty fucking apparent right?  Oh yeah, and if for some reason your grotesquely mistaken self liked this one, then try listening to it another dozen times, because that's what's going to happen when you listen to the rest of the album.  What sucks even more is that I thought their previous album was pretty decent, despite it being a perfect example of generic deathcore.  This album only opened my eyes to how little fucking talent these guys actually have.  I guess that's the one positive thing that came out of listening to that garbage.

Herp durr... we <3 breakdowns

Well Oceano can learn quite a bit from this album, besides the fact that they suck and should be castrated.  One is that breakdowns do not make a fucking song.  I could probably count the times their guitarist used the top three strings on one hand, and that's terrible.  Another is that you should never make an album sound like one you previously released.  What's the point of putting out a new album if it sounds exactly like the one you put out two years ago?  And lastly, when you have a vocalist that can do nothing but growls, then its time to get a new vocalist. 

So, for my first album review of hopefully many to come, on a scale of 0 to 10, I give Contagion by Oceano a 1.5, which on my scale is really, really bad.  I'm actually impressed that I was able to get through the whole thing without vomiting out my asshole, and if you can do the same, then you deserve a fucking medal.  Until next time, this is Dingus hoping that you never ever have to suffer through this waste of time and energy.

1.5/10

So Oceano Just Released a New Video...

...and unsurprisingly it's awful. This is the epitome of cookie-cutter deathcore. Simplistic chug riff goes into breakdown goes into simplistic chug riff goes into breakdown goes into either another simplistic chug riff, or if they're feeling really adventurous, a slower offshoot of the same breakdown. And as if the song wasn't generic enough, the video contains cut-and-paste footage of the band playing against a dark backdrop with bright lights. Sometimes the video slows down (wowee!) or shows clips of a guy making a bomb, or something, and setting it at the foot of some congressional building. This is truly awful. Check out the video below if you're really compelled to give Oceano your time.

http://www.metalinjection.net/tv/view/5983/oceano-weaponized-video

I swear this shit is so easy to play the bassist could do his taxes while playing this song. Why doesn't Oceano realize that this whole deathcore thing is on a downhill spiral, and they should have stopped playing this music after their first album released. Through the Eyes of the Dead realized deathcore's time was short, which is why their new album is so much better than their old stuff, they made a change. This is getting me mad, I need some real, brutal, talented death shit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Kx74eXRPm0

Ah... that's much better... Expect a review of the new Oceano album from Dingus in the near future, and apparently he likes them, so it should be interesting.