Shit Hardcore Kids Wish They Could Play: Episode 10

Man, they look very European

Well, now that we're all out of actual news I guess it's time to go back to thinking up shit to talk about all by myself. Works for me. Anyways, to celebrate SHKWTCP finally making it to the promised land of double digits, we're gonna go with one of them fancy-pants well-known bands. For those of you who didn't recognize the giant picture, I'm talking about none other than the Polish monster known by us lesser mortals as Decapitated.

What strikes me the most about Decapitated is their diversity; none of their albums sound quite the same as the last, and the only thing that never changes is the music's intensity. Though they are pretty firmly rooted in the technical brutal death genre, they've always been a very forward-thinking bunch, not afraid to draw influences from all over the metal spectrum (see their covers of Slayer's "Mandatory Suicide" and Napalm Death's "Suffer the Children" for examples), and it pays off nicely, even if the result is something as simple as being able to say they've never put out The Negation 2. To show just how awesome they are, we're going to go all the way back to their first album, because everybody knows they were tearing shit up right from the get-go. This is the opening title track from their 2000 debut full length Winds of Creation. Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AL8WH-fd4SY

Fun fact: when Decapitated recorded this album, their drummer Witold "Vitek" Kieltyka (RIP) was but a mere sixteen years of age. You read that right, he was this good when he was SIX-FUCKING-TEEN! When I was sixteen I don't think I'd even seen a completely naked girl in person yet. And now that you mention it the rest of the band wasn't much older than that either. Fuck man, this makes my life look boring as shit. On a side note, Decapitated are scheduled to enter the studio to begin working on their new album this month, so keep an eye out for news on that. While I go speculate on how un-awesome I am, you guys leave your thoughts below, and stay tuned because we still have one more to go before the night is over.

Shit Hardcore Kids Wish They Could Play: Episode 8

Before we get this started, I just want to publicly thank Mosh Rebellion for publicly thanking me for running the site while he was off getting shit on by life, I'm confident that he will come out victorious and stronger and more invigorated than ever. And also, dedicated MR follower skatex2xdestroy put it perfectly, fuck you Person B. If we catch you be prepared for a world of hurt. Now, on to the metal.

It's a well known fact that lightning makes everything badass, even Dying Fetus

Chances are most of you guys probably already know this next band, as well as the subsequent video, but that doesn't make it any less awesome. I'm talking of course about the death metal bulldozer from Annapolis, Maryland known as Dying Fetus. These dudes have been crushing skulls for almost twenty years now, and in that time they've continuously matured, both musically and lyrically. When they started out they were your typical blood, guts and dead babies band, but since then they've moved on to more intelligent, thought provoking subjects, like corruption, politics and deception. Basically they have a grindcore mentality when it comes to lyrics, while constantly honing and perfecting their signature crushing grooves and unrelentingly savage riffs. So, in the spirit of backstabbing and betrayal, this next song, from their fantastic 2009 album Descend Into Depravity, is dedicated to Person B, because "Your Treachery Will Die With You".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8Jjy3Zy7kk

Descend Into Depravity and the rest of Dying Fetus' discography is available through Relapse Records, and if you don't already have it, then get your head out of your ass and go get it. Like right now, stop reading this article and go, dammit! For the rest of you, leave your thoughts/comments or any suggestions for bands you want to see featured here in the comments, and stay tuned for more brutality than you can shake a stick at.

Peace out cub scout
-The Muthafuckin' Baby Killer

Shit Hardcore Kids Wish They Could Play: Episode 6

We call this the "Shut up, it's not Anal" face

 Since this is the last SHKWTCP post for the week, I had no choice but to bring out the big guns. We've seen plenty of incredibly talented bands so far, and there are countless more to come, but none of the past or future bands on the list are quite like Birminham, England natives Anaal Nathrakh.

Perfectly blending the best elements of black metal, grindcore, industrial and death metal, this UK-based duo is, in this writer's opinion, quite possibly the most genuinely evil band in existence. Anaal Nathrakh  are essentially the physical embodiment of misanthropy; you can literally feel their unrelenting hatred for humanity in everything from Mick Kenney's ominous chord progressions to vocalist Dave Hunt's throat-tearing shrieks and mournful clean singing. Basically, if evil could be made into music, it would be Anaal Nathrakh. Now, I know I said that I don't like a lot of black metal, but these guys aren't your typical black metal band, they're everything that's good about the genre and much more, because they put their own flair on it as opposed to doing everything Burzum has already done a thousand times and nothing else. See for yourself and check out the title track from the band's widely acclaimed 2009 opus In the Constellation of the Black Widow.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUcFAA1dKPY

God, that scream at 1:17 still gives me the chills every time. Like I said, pure, unadulterated hatred harnessed and put into music. Constellation is available now via Candlelight Records, as is the rest of their discography, so be sure to pick it up. As per usual with many black metal artists, Anaal Nathrakh are very elusive and don't regularly play shows (they've only been to America once to my knowledge, as part of the Maryland Deathfest a few years ago), but if you happen to be in the London area they're playing a show with Mayhem on Saturday, December 18th. If you have the opportunity to see them definitely don't pass it up, it's a rarer opportunity than you might think, and all the live videos they have suggest that an Anaal Nathrakh show isn't something to sniff at. Have a good weekend everyone, I'll see you all on Monday.

Horns up
-The Baby Killer

Shit Hardcore Kids Wish They Could Play: Episode 5

Remember way back when, in the very first episode of Shit Hardcore Kids Wish They Could Play, where I talked about how even more awesome Brain Drill would be if they didn't have the tendency to slack off in the songwriting area in favor of overindulging their noodling? Well, this next band is pretty much exactly what I had in mind when I said that.

Phoenix, Arizona tech-wizards Viraemia could arguably be perceived as a Brain Drill clone, and this is justifiable. Both bands base their songwriting around brain-frying technicality played at Ludicrous Speed, but Viraemia set themselves apart in one major way: their songs have definitive song structure, a surprisingly easy to follow verse-chorus-verse-chorus formula that allows them to be virtuosic but still have individual, instantly recognizable songs. There's plenty of gravity blasts and riffs that will make your fingers cramp just listening to them, but the chaos is ultimately very controlled. From their self-titled 2009 EP, here's "Cancrum Oris".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7D4JCP7Tyxo

And there you have it. Viraemia have been hinting at a full length for some time now, but as of right now there are no further developments. But rest assured, when it does finally happen, heads will be turned. Check out their Myspace for more info and show dates if you happen to be in their general area. Take care everyone, tune in tomorrow for more tr00 shit.

P.S. For all of you who got the Spaceballs reference in the second paragraph, you're welcome.

-BK

Shit Hardcore Kids Wish They Could Play: Episode 3

I'd like to start this episode off with a question: why are there so many amazingly talented European bands that make American bands look stupid in comparison? Seriously, for every one really good American band there are easily three or four equally good (if not better) bands from Sweden or something, or in the case of the next band in this series, Scotland. That's right, Scotland. Until now, when Americans thought of Scotland, they only thought of extremely odd food, incomprehensible accents and kilts. But now, there's also Cerebral Bore, a band that has exploded onto the extreme metal scene within the last year or so. While CB don't necessarily get as fancy with their technicality as other bands in their genre, they make up for it tenfold with their stellar songwriting and precision. Where other bands are content to just gravity blast their balls off and noodle around on the high notes all day, these guys write songs that are fast and brutal as all hell, but tasteful at the same time. There is plenty of super-fast blasting and tremolo picking, but it's all used sparingly to keep the music from becoming dull and cumbersome. Cerebral Bore really shine when they transition into simpler, more groove-oriented sections- even a slam or two- that are just begging for some drunk dude to start windmilling like crazy to them, and I'd be happy to oblige. Take a look for yourself and check out "The Bald Cadaver", from their new debut full length "Maniacal Miscreation". http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gWE9YmB8reQ In case you were wondering, yes, that is a girl doing those disgusting vocals. Her name is Simone Pluijmers, aka "Som", and those of you who follow the rad dudes at MetalSucks may remember her from one of her YouTube videos that they featured a while back (http://www.metalsucks.net/2010/04/16/is-it-wrong-that-i-find-this-attractive/). Check out herYouTube channel to see more of her mad skillz, and definitely buy/download Maniacal Miscreation, because the whole CD is this good. Stay tuned for the next installment in both this series and Slam Spotlight real soon. Horns up, bitches! BK

Shit Hardcore Kids Wish They Could Play: Episode 2

Hello again my fellow haters of flat brimmed hats, The Baby Killer is here once again to offer you another breath of fresh air after drowning in neon orange Osirises and bright purple Sky Eats Airplane shirts. Let me ask you a question: when you think of Topeka, Kansas, what comes to mind?

...

Exactly. However, the heart of tornado country is home to the next band in this series, and it's fitting because these guys are the musical equivalent of an F5. I'm talking of course about the  death metal titans known as Origin. They've been melting faces with their lightning speed and menacing tremolo picked riffs since the turn of the century, and in those ten years they have not slowed down one bit. In fact, they've only gotten tighter, and after the addition of their new vocalist Mica "Maniac" Meneke (of Ontogeny fame, for all four of you who have heard of Ontogeny), I personally cannot wait to hear what their next album will be like. But until then, we can satisfy ourselves with the video from their 2008 release "Antithesis", their fourth and final album with James Lee behind the mic. Brace yourselves for the musical assault that is "Finite". (Warning: any aspiring guitarists, don't be surprised if the sweeps starting at the 1:38 mark make you want to give up, I know it did for me)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIMW0aHN0ks

Let's see them dance to that shit. Be sure to check in often for articles/videos from all the other writers too; I may be a workaholic when it comes to Mosh Rebellion but I'm only one of several writers who are just as dedicated and true. Take care, and make sure you don't end up looking like this guy.

Derp

Love,
BK

Shit Hardcore Kids Wish They Could Play: Episode 1. A New Column from the Baby Killer.

Greetings, headbangers far and wide. Are you sick of hearing about the new Attack! Attack! CD (God help us if there actually is one)? Are you fed up with going to shows and seeing nothing but synchronized "crouch-stand-crouch-stand" stage presence and scrawny idiots pretending they know karate? And most of all, are you just dying to show those dumbasses up and give them a dose of real, unbridled, not-for-the-faint-of-heart metal that will leave their stupid Emmure gym shorts smelling funny? Well my friends, your pal The Baby Killer has just what you've been looking for. Let's start things off with a bang. The first video in this series is from none other than Santa Cruz's own Brain Drill, and there are precisely six words to describe its sheer insanity: Jesus fucking Christ on a bicycle! BD have always been notorious for their hyper speed gravity blasts, tremolo picking, arpeggio sweeps and bass runs, essentially hitting the ground running and never stopping or slowing down. Basically, they are what happens when crack learns how to play death metal.  Their first album, "Apocalyptic Feasting", displayed this in full right from the get-go, but unfortunately it also fell victim to the beast of monotony. Songs very quickly bled into one another, and by the fifth song it was virtually impossible to tell one from the next. However, their second full length, entitled "Quantum Catastrophe", is much more refined. There is still plenty of break-neck shredding and blasting, but the band has also learned what it's like to occasionally take a step back and settle into a good groove for a little bit, and this song is a perfect demonstration of that. Hold on to your hats as The Baby Killer and Mosh Rebellion proudly present "Beyond Bludgeoned"! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEywYigygnk&ob=av3e Stay tuned for many, many more videos of bands that will make your girlfriends want to let you do awesome stuff to them. Love always, The Baby Killer