|Nice barn, dumbass. North Dakota is sooooo brutal|
At the risk of potentially alienating some of our fan base, I'd like to take a moment to talk about yet another group of people that are a total nuisance to metalheads- kvlt people (kvlt kids, kvlts, kvlt heads, I don't know the terminology, nor do I care). I guarantee you've seen them at least once in your life. They're the pompous douchebags who walk around with corpse paint and Burzum shirts and appear to take little or no pleasure in anything at all, save for berating and belittling those who don't agree with their incredibly limited taste in music. In my opinion, they're just as bad as the hardcore kids, just a bunch of narrow-minded elitists whose sole purpose is to deride others in a vain attempt to defend their boring, shitty music. Yep, sounds like a hardcore kid to me, except instead of flat-brimmed hats and basketball shorts they don corpse paint and gauntlets. A word of advice: if you're not talking about Burzum, Mayhem, Gorgoroth or some other band that's totally gay for Satan, don't even bother, because it'll just turn into a tirade about how you're an idiot who has no idea what real metal is and you don't deserve to listen to it. Now don't get me wrong, I love me some Anaal Nathrakh, even some Emperor once in a while, but on the whole black metal is nothing but one long monotonous drone of simplistic riffs, embarrassingly slow blast beats and nails-on-chalkboard screeching vocals. Now all you have to do is make sure you never ever EVER do ANYTHING different for the rest of your career, and presto, black metal. And yet when I make this counter-argument, suddenly I'm the ignorant moron. Get over yourself fag, I don't take anyone who looks like a mime seriously. Excuse the hell out of me for liking bands that are always trying to diversify and further themselves as musicians. What you call "pointless noodling" I call "talent", and what you call "ominous, raw and kvlt as fvk" I call "this is boring, can we please listen to Dying Fetus now?" And don't even get me started on trying to meet them halfway and explain that I like some newer, melodic black metal bands like Dimmu Borgir, Wintersun and Enfold Darkness, because apparently they're nothing but a bunch of sell-out mainstream shitheads. Oh right, I'm sorry, I forgot that if more than twelve people have heard of a band then they've sold out. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the whole purpose of black metal to emphasize individuality and rebellion? And yet when a band shows any signs of innovation and deviation from the black metal norm, they're immediately scorned and cast out by the so-called "true" fans. Methinks I smell a hypocrite, ladies and gentlemen. Oh well, in the end we all know that death metal > black metal. Your blast beat are belong to us now, bitch.
-The Baby Killer