Dingus' Take: Hardcore Dancers and How They're Not Just Ruining Metal

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome guest blogger Dingus to the site. He's a good friend of mine and an avid hater of this terrible trend. We went to Summer Slaughter this summer together and were forced to watch the hardcore kids take over the pit, so it's no surprise to me that he despises these people as much as I do. Read on to see exactly how he feels on the matter:

It is truly a shame that metal culture has been desecrated by the multitudes of basketball shorts donning, shrimp dicked, dildo faces known as hardcore kids. These unruly bastards claim to be the definition of what a true metalhead should aspire to be, despite just being another lowly scene which will hopefully die out soon with the aid of true metal fans everywhere.  In my humble opinion, there is simply nothing worse than being pumped up for a show, going inside, and seeing waves of flat brimmed hats in the crowd, because in honestly, their presence alone makes my blood boil with rage. 

           
Now, I would never call myself an avid metalhead under any circumstances.  Sure, I listen to a lot of metal and I love going to shows, but I still would not consider myself to be a full fledged member of the metal community. That's not to say I don't love getting my mosh on at shows, as moshing is simply one of the most fun and intense rushes you can get out there.   Unfortunately, more often than not, I go to these shows, and instead of taking part in an awesome mosh pit, I am forced to watch a handful of hardcore fuckwardens wail their slimy arms around in the air, hurting everyone around them, including their own pitiful kind.  It is because of these hardcore dancers that me, and everyone else like me who doesn't enjoy a mouthful of fist, has to wait along the edge of the pit and push these bastards back into the middle of their personal boxing ring, while anxiously awaiting the chance to start even a brief mosh pit.  Every once in a while, I'll take a hit from one of these guys, which of course pisses me off, but as soon as I try and verbally/physically abuse the little shit, I am greeted by a chorus of, "Calm down bro it's just dancing!"  Really, fuck off kid.  Not only that, but the few noble metalheads that actually try and prevent hardcore dancers from taking over are victimized by an entire slew of the bastards, even if they give just one of them a little bit of payback.  Well I have a question for these hardcore kids.  If it's, "just dancing", like they claim, then why do so many of them go to shows simply to beat on other people, sometimes even women.  It's fucking absurd. 

What's even more troubling is that hardcore chickenshits are not only dragging down the quality of metal shows.  They have begun penetrating other music cultures as well, mainly ska.  The last time I went to a ska show, there were some kids who would deviate from the usual skanking and two-stepping and begin flailing their fists around.  Of course, these kids were the ones with the flat brimmed hats atop their heads.  In late May, I saw Defiance Ohio and Mischief Brew at the First Unitarian Church in Philadelphia.  During both of these performances, there was some intense and sweaty dancing going on, but every once in a while there would be one douche who would try and get everyone to hardcore dance, at a fucking folk-punk show!  This just disgusts me; they have already been on a constant a crusade to ruin a musical genre that I love, and now they are determined to do the same to other genres.  The fucking heathens.

So, just to wrap this rant up, hardcore dancers are a plague of scene kids who are trying to spread their disgusting scum all over music culture, not just metal. The time to start a revolution against them is now, before they can gain any more strength and inevitably overpower the metalhead community.  That is why I urge everyone to stop hardcore dancers before they can start their arm swings and jump kicks.  The moral of the story is that all metal shows need to have awesome, exhilarating mosh pits full of energy and enthusiasm, not just five assholes beating the shit out of one another on a barren floor where there should be a booming pit. This my friends, can only be accomplished by YOU!  Enough is enough, and it is time for action.  So next time you are at a show, and you want to mosh, get a crew of metalheads together, push aside those hardcore dancers, and mosh the motherfucking night away.  Sure, you'll probably take a hit from one of the bastards, but that's just a risk you have to be willing to take.  I know I certainly am, now who is with me?

I know I'm with you Dingus. Take this man's advice and don't hesitate to push aside these kids as shows! Look for more posts written by Dingus in the future.